Give me 5minutes

March 2020

I’M OK // I just need a minute.

I need a minute to breathe, away from judging eyes, opinion-laced comments and sneering remarks.

I need a minute to escape the mess, chaos and never ending calamity that is my life as a stay at home mum.

I need a minute to digest the huge decision I just had to make to wean my baby because my milk isn’t enough to help her grow.

I need a minute to exhale the monotony & isolation of yet another day of abc kids and fighting toddlers with no adult interaction.

I need a minute to remind myself that I am a good mother even though I yelled when they pushed my buttons for the hundredth time.

I need a minute to regain my strength to front another day of questions from friends and family as to why we don’t want kids.

I need a minute to gather my thoughts as the lingering black cloud of anxiety and depression starts to rare it’s ugly head.

I need a minute to cry away another day of guilt for working full time to feed my family while my kids get looked after by someone else.

I need a minute to feel the sadness that’s been tugging in the back of my throat as we struggle through another negative pregnancy test.

I need a minute be ok with my body which doesn’t feel like it once did and no longer looks like it used to.

I need a minute to grieve the person I used to be before becoming a mum changed my priorities and sucked the life out of me.

I need a minute to again go over the reasons I am worthy even though most days he doesn’t make me feel that way.

I am ok.. Deep down, actually I am more than ok. I am smart, strong, motivated and capable. But I am human and my feelings are valid even if only felt behind the shower door. And, as always, I will have my cry, poise myself and front up to all that lies ahead as a mother, as a partner and as a woman.

But fuck, just let me have a god damn minute.